Grandpa's Diaper

My Mom taking care of my Grandpa as he gets ready for bed.

Scuttlebutts Lounge

Meat Fest

My siblings watching my Stepdad play at "Meat Fest", an annual get together near our house in Merton.

Unmade Bed

My Week With Marilyn

I just saw My Week With Marilyn at the Downer Theatre. I didn't think the movie was very interesting, but I thought Michelle Williams did a pretty good job portraying Marilyn. I think the most interesting part was when Marilyn says to the main character, Colin, "Should I be Marilyn?" and then she goes onto blow kisses and do a little dance for a group of people. I wished they would have explored that a little more. While the whole film was suppose to be based on the "real" Marilyn and her troubled life, I would have liked to see her "performing" for people off the camera more. Unfortunately, not much happened throughout the film, it really only got made because it was about Marilyn Monroe. Colin was not a relatable or likable character. I really didn't care about him at all and didn't understand how Marilyn could ever get attached to him. They also didn't take advantage of the beautiful sets and locations enough. The only nice looking scene was when they were at the lake and they used the light nicely. THe rest of the film had too many flat interior scenes and didn't use light to enhance any of the ornate furniture, props or Marilyn.

French Ban the Niqab

Several months ago, the French government banned their citizens from wearing the Niqab, which is a form of Muslim dress for women that covers their entire face and body. They claim it is for security purposes since when you are fully covered, nobody can tell who is under the covering, or what they could be carrying underneath their dress. Also, they claim that this is to help women's rights and that women wearing the Niqab are being contained and aren't free women. If women wear the Niqab, they will get charged a fine of $190. If it is found out that a man is making his wife or daughter wear it, he faces an extremely high penalty of over $30,000. The women who typically wear this dress, however, are outraged and say that them not being able to wear the Niqab is what is restricting. They say that it goes against their beliefs and is a step back from women's liberation. Them wearing the Niqab is liberating to them because they believe are not judged by how they look, but their personality and intelligence. Canada has also recently banned the Niqab and Australia is looking to do the same. While there are many news stories and articles being written about these recent happenings, I think that someone should really be documenting this as a film. While this may seem like a small issue, since not many women across the world wear the Niqab, I think it is telling of how the Western world is reacting to Middle Eastern people as a whole, by restricting their power. It is all part of the post 9/11 thinking. Middle Eastern Muslims aren't just a minority or a foreign people, but a source of fear. We fear what we do not know about, and now what we cannot see (the women's face and bodies). Muslim women's bodies have become sites of political conflict between the West and non-West.

LGBT Characters

I would like to see more films with gay and transgender characters without the film being solely about them being gay and transgender. Even at the LGBT Film & Video Festival, while I realize that's the topic, most of the films are only about that instead of being a "regular" film with LGBT characters. I just watched a documentary today, Paris is Burning, about drag queens and trannies performing at Balls, which I suppose would be the older, not quite so obnoxious Drag Shows. Where the contestants dress up as more "normal" people, and you win by convincing the judges that you're straight and are really a business man, or student, or whatever type of person you're trying to dress up as. But while watching the film, the people were so incredibly charming, I don't know why we can't watch everyday things with them in it, why it always has to be about their sexuality and how they dress.

Hanging out with Grandma

My Dad's Mom had a very exciting young life, traveling the world and living all around Europe. She didn't get married, move to the US and start having kids until she was 40! From the stories she has told me, I think we would have been great friends and I would have love to have gotten to experience the things she did in the years she did. We are close today and get along very well, but I, like most people, have a nostalgic love for years before I was born and would like to experience them. I think it would be fun to make a film where a granddaughter travels back in time to travel and get wild with her Grandma. We all wonder what our family was like when they were younger and I think it would be a fun concept to play with.

Pocket Dialing

The other night my sister accidentally pocket-dialed my Mom's house phone at 3:30 am and woke my Mom and Stepdad up because on the answering machine they could loudly hear her partying. She didn't realize what she had done and was very surprised to come home to very stern parents lecturing her. This got me thinking of all the things you could get caught doing while accidentally pocket-dialing the wrong person. I think the most "exciting" would be if someone was murdering a person and accidentally pocket-dialed their Mom. I think this would make for a great scene and climax in a film. Then the Mom has to decide whether she's going to report it or not, since it's her child that's the murderer. And whether or not she turns him/her in, does she ever admit to it, or confront her child?

Cool and Collected Music Video

A music video I made for a local band, The Delta Routine.

Martha Marcy May Marlene

On Thursday I went and saw MMMM at the Downer theatre. I thought that the film was pretty good but found myself wanting it to just be over for the last twenty minutes. But perhaps that was mostly because it was making me uncomfortable and think of things I didn't want to, and not so much because the film was getting a little slow. The film deals with this girl's trauma of being involved in cult up in the Catskill Mountains. Her believable trauma reminded me of horrors in my own past and that was unsettling. Besides that, I thought the film was shot great and in a beautiful location of a house on a lake. I have always been a fan of the Olsen Twins since I was little and I liked seeing their gorgeous sister on screen. I thought John Hawkes character of the cult leader could have been fleshed out and made to be more of a real character. I think the film would have been a lot better if we'd gotten to know him more. He was more of just a typical character and caricature of a crazy Manson-esque cult leader.

Abandoned Homes In South Dakota

One of my initial ideas for Senior Project was to shoot abandoned homes along the highway through South Dakota. I had gotten rid of the idea pretty quickly realizing it wouldn't really work for this class since I can't get to South Dakota easily and the whole thing would have to be made in one or two shoots tops. So when I graduate, this is one of the first things I would like to do. I taken several road trips to and thru South Dakota and I am fascinated and confused as to why there are so many abandoned homes throughout the entire state. They all look as though they've been there for about the same amount of time, but how long that is or why, I'm not sure. I am interested in finding more information about his and who owns them now and why they haven't been torn down. They're beautiful and for the most part, pretty easily accessible from the road. Did people flee from their homes after the highway was built? SInce most of the state is country, maybe the sounds of the highway and the constant busy traffic drove them all away. Or did the Great Depression make the people leave their homes looking for better opportunities in more populated places? I would like to find it. I think they could make for a beautiful film. I want to shoot it on black and white film, not video.

Zine Fest

Today I went to Zine Fest at the Polish Falcon. This is the second or third year I've gone, and it's about the same every year, with the same set up and familiar faces. Groups of friends get a table and sell their homemade, unpublished paper zines. I appreciate when people make the extra effort to really decorate their covers and make their tables fun to go to. One if my favorites is this middle-aged man who has a table with odd junk-drawer items that you can try and guess what they are. Things like a piano key, computer mouse case, bubble wand, and a poster tube top. There's a lot of far left political books and art work mixed in, but it's surprisingly usually some of the most expensive items. While I don't make zines myself, I love that almost all of the vendors list their prices in addition with a note saying that they will trade. So for the vendors, it's a great way to walk out with an armful of free zines from everyone else.

Black Albino

The other day the Black Student Union was holding one of their regular dances. While walking past the line to get in, I saw a very striking, beautiful girl-an albino Black girl. She was exotic looking and got me thinking what it would be like had she been born during the slavery days in the US. Would she have been exempt from slavery? I think it would be fun to make a film about a beautiful albino girl that passes as white during that time and marries a white man, who thinks she's also white, until they have a child, and it comes out half black. Is she cheating on him? Or will he discover she's really Black. It will become the scandal of the town.

Edyta Śliwińska from Dancing with the Stars

While this wasn't a typical art event, I went to a wedding last night at the historic Grain Exchange in downtown Milwaukee last night and it was so extravagant and wonderful, it basically was an art event. The building was decorated so tastefully and wonderfully with over-the-top large Christmas decorations, combinations of warm and cool spotlights, and beautiful table decorations, not to mention the outfits of the guests! Fashion is not a huge, respected thing in our small city of Milwaukee, but a collection of the few people who do pay attention and can afford it were there. I have never seen so many stilettos in one room in Milwaukee before. But even better than all of that, the bride and groom hired a dancer, Edyta Śliwińska, from Dancing with the Stars to perform at the reception. It was a surprise to all of the guests and the rest of the wedding party, as if the whole thing hadn't been fabulous enough. The dancer was beautiful and did two outfit changes. I have never been able to see such a great dancer up close and in person like that. Being able to shoot it made it even more fun. She had the most flexible legs and was twirling and flinging them all over the place. She did a lot of lifts and twirls with her partner. The whole night was truly breathtaking and no other wedding I have ever gone to or done videography for has been so tasteful and fun.

Grandpa & Mom

I've been thinking more and more about continuing the documentary about my Mom taking care of my Grandpa and their relationship. For starters, they've lived very different lives and I think they are both fascinating. My Mom has a troubled past and has been through nightmares that most people would never be able to deal with. She has recently turned her life around and has a more positive outlook and this has made her a great caregiver. She's had 6 kids and comes from a very large, wild Mexican and Native American family. My Grandpa is the most traveled person I know and has held several prestigious jobs in his life, including being a weather forecaster at the Panama Canal during World War II for the military, which helped to plan attacks and travel for soldiers, he was a diplomatic courier during the Cold War delivering secret messages from the US Government to Russia, he lived in South Africa working for the US Embassy, and was some typed of criminal investigator in Milwaukee inspecting dead bodies. He has traveled to almost every country in the world and was married 3 times. He now has severe Alzheimers and Dementia. The other day he asked my Mom if he could eat my sister and after she said no, asked if he could eat her pet rat. I would like to somehow mesh and compare these stories. Shots that I would like to get are of them two taking their short walks outside the house, the objects inside his bedroom, outside shots of the house. My family still owns the house where my Grandpa lived for 40 years and while the inside is mostly just full of boxes now, I would like to at least get some shots of the outside. I would also like to shoot a lot of the pictures he has of him from his travels and the objects he's collected along the way, especially the ones he's given to me.

Hoarders

I love the show Hoarders and am really interested in making a film about a person and their things. I would pick someone who has really interesting and/or beautiful things, rather than just the people who have disgusting junk garbage piles. Make beautiful shots of their objects and make an intimate portrait with the person and more into their past and why they treasure the things they do. Hoarders goes into those things a bit, but obviously it's just a reality tv show and are just out to make it a dramatic situation and show the objects all piled up whereas I would like to look at things more individually and make it seem more delicate and loving. That image is of all of the cheap knick knacks we gathered of my Grandpa's when we were moving him out of his old house. He was not a hoarder, but this image sort of gives you the idea of what I'm thinking.

Portraits of Homes

I would really like to make a slow, portrait documentary of houses and apartments I grew up in (nothing post high school). I have lived in several houses and apartments that have a lot of character and are in many ways very "American." Like existing in a cul-de-sac, and out in the suburbs. The house I lived in in the suburbs, however, is not a newly built home, but a rather run down home in the midst of many nice, newer homes. I have also lived in a few apartments in bad neighbors which I think adds a lot of story and character. My family does not and has never had money, but we have been able to live in nicer and better homes and neighborhoods and I think that's also a story. I like knowing a lot about where I came from and always remembering and reflecting on my history.

Mysterium Cosmographicum

On November 16th at the Union Theatre I saw Brent Coughenour's live video performance. They were found footage films along with live voice/music/sound from Brent. I wasn't really sure what to expect when I was going to the performance, and I certainly didn't expect it to be as fun as it was. What made it most exciting and engaging was that Brent would provide the sound track and voices live. At one point he was even using a Guitar Hero guitar. The funniest though was hearing him talk like the Devil, using a voice distorter.

MAM After Dark

On November 18th I went to MAM After Dark to help assist Kelly Bronikowski with her dance/video performance. The performance was great. Her story was very personal and moving the way it involved her sick father and her relationship to him and how it has been effecting her. I love how she fit the projected images onto her body and face, particularly when she would hold her father's face in her hands. The crowd was really drawn to and moved by her performance, which made me especially glad I had helped out.

Annie Sprinkle

On Tuesday November 1st I went to see porn star/activist/artist Annie Sprinkle at the UWM Ballroom. I hadn't heard of her before so I wasn't quite sure what to expect. She was one of the first feminist porn stars that promoted female aggressors in porn and focused on female pleasure. Last year I saw a new feminist porn activist named Madison Young who is trying to do the same things, as well as Sasha Grey who I hung out with in New York last year. Even though I don't watch porn myself, it's still really powerful and motivating for me to be encouraged by these strong women who are working in an industry that is mostly owned by men and made for men, and their changing that. The image in the upper left are stills from her "Boobie Ballet", which she performed for us. It was just a fun, goofy performance she has been doing at shows for the last thirty years.

I'm Glad That My Mother Is Alive

I saw I'm Glad That My Mother Is Alive at the Union Theatre on Friday. I wasn't planning on watching it, because from the descriptions I had read, it seemed like a predictable story about an adopted boy who goes to find his birth mother and is disappointed. However, after watching the opening scene and seeing how beautifully the film was shot, I kept watching. The film was unexpected and had a lot more intense emotions involved that I thought it would. Not only is this boy feeling detached from his adoptive family and is longing for his birth mother, but once he finds her, he has some rather strange feelings towards her. It's almost as if he is trying to date his mother. His Mom has a younger son about 5 years old that lives with her, and at one point the innocent boy calls the two "lovebirds". In one scene, he sees his Mom kiss her ex boyfriend, and he gets very jealous and interrogates her on her. He builds up anger and jeaously about her abandoning him, not taking care of him once he finds her, and going to other men, and then finally gets so angry when she starts to come onto him that he stabs her, intending to murder her. While part of him had some bizarre fantasy with wanting her, he saw her coming onto him as being a bad mother, as she always had been. The film ends with a court scene where his mother, who had survived the stabbing, asks the court not to punish him, but since he had attempted murder, he gets sentenced to 3 years in prison. When I was a kid, one of my parents went through a series of partners, and I had a lot of resentment and jealously attached to it, because it took focus away from me, so I understood how the young man felt.

Meaning of Colors & Colors Creating Meanings

I am interested in color and art direction, in particular, clothing. I really love the way color is used in Godard's films and Volver. Very bright ad bold, but still a pretty simple clothing style. I don't have any ideas in regards to narrative with this, but I would like to make a film, or at least do art direction where the colors of the character's clothing correspond with the character's progress and emotions. I realize this isn't a new idea or concept, but I would like it to be more bold and more obvious. I would like the clothing colors to be more of a focus of the film than just an assistant. I'm really interested by how strong of meanings we put to colors-some colors have become gendered and some now radiate emotions to us. For exmaple: red-lust, passion, anger, power, blood; Pink-feminine, dainty, pretty; Purple is now mostly a feminine color, but used to be associated with power and royalty, and I think it's interesting how these meanings can change. Pink was not associated with femininity until the early 1900's when people became more concerned with separating the genders from birth. I think it would also be interesting to go against all of these meanings and see how people understand the film.

Taryn Simon

I went and saw Taryn Simon's photography exhibit at the Milwaukee Art Museum. I had seen an ad in the Shepherd Express that really struck me. It was a color photo of a man in a disgusting, degraded motel room, "hiding" between two mattresses. The image made me uncomfortable and was almost frightening. When I got to the exhibit, it was great to see the photo enlarged. It was so vivid and the place where the man was trying to hide was so pitifully desperate. The collection of photos was called The Innocents. It was photos of people who had been wrongly accused of a serious crime and had served significant jail time before they were proved innocent. The photographs were of them in locations that had something to do with the crime-such as the place where they were arrested (the man between the mattresses) or the location the crime took place. The photos gave me chills and made me feel very emotional thinking about what happened to the victims of the crimes and the victims of the judicial system who spent years in jail when they were actually innocent.

Armadillo

On Friday September 30th I saw Armadillo at the Union Theatre. It was great! I had just watched it's American "equal", Restrepo. After watching both of these films, I was in a pretty deep, weird funk. Sometimes it just hits me how different and intense some people's lives are. Lately my worries have been homework and keeping my house clean, and these soldiers in Afghanistan wake up every morning not knowing if they will be ambushed or someone will whip out a gun during their regular village inquiries and then that will be their last day. Nuts. I can't imagine carrying around a large gun everyday out of necessity and being surrounded by such danger daily. It made my life and worries seem a little trivial. While I don't agree and believe all of the reasons "why" we're Afghanistan, I still appreciate the dedication and sacrifice those soldiers make.

New Work & Bad News

On Saturday September 24th, I went to The Green Gallery East for the opening of NEW WORK: Richard Galling and BAD NEWS: Ian Hokin. It was my first time at the gallery. It was small and pleasant, and the building itself is interesting as a gallery, as it seems to be an old gas station or perhaps some form of burger/custard stand? Richard Galling’s paintings were modern and colorful, something I could see hanging in my apartment. They were made up of stenciled patterns using repetition and striking, intersecting lines and shapes. “The work is a kind of reiteration of the appearance of 'appearance' in today's culture.” (John Riepenhoff) They sort of reminded me of patterns on clothing that are found today and the mid nineties. I could see them being sold at a place like Urban Outfitters to young college kids. Ian Hokin’s work were more narrative and felt very amateur. There was no real style except that he liked the paint to go on very thick. His were images were ones “that have sprung from his unconscious while either asleep or floating in sensory deprivation tanks.” (J.R) They were full of creepy-looking, long-limbed men and random objects. I didn’t like them too much. Overall, I would agree with Carl Bogner in that “There wasn’t much to consider.”

Luther Price

On Tuesday September 20th, I saw experimental filmmaker Luther Price at the Union Theatre. Nine of his films were shown, all the only copy of them, which I thought was really great. Especially in our technological age when everyone is obsessed with backing everything up and making as many copies as possible, having just one print of each of his films has such a personal and almost magical feel to it. My favorite film was one titled Shelly Winters. The film was mostly a sound-based film, where you’re listening to stories while looking at a white screen. It was a found footage documentary about domestic violence. I found it deeply disturbing and profound. There was an account of a woman talking about getting abused by her husband, and a man also told his story of beating his wife. At one point he said something along the lines of “I told her I would rather kill her than get a divorce.” That was so chilling to me… I could tell everyone around me in the theatre was feeling just as uncomfortable and upset by it. To me, taking the images from the original film away helped me to imagine these gruesome tales and made the film so much more effective than if I had just been looking at talking heads. This way my imagination was doing most of the work, and we all know our imaginations can do wild things.

(The image is of a picture of part of one his film strips, where you can see that he took a 35mm film and cut it to be the size of a 16mm film. )